A man from the Lone Star State has proven once again that everything is bigger in Texas—especially when it comes to the distance in feet an adult can purposely throw a turd.
Derek Noe, 41, of Harlingen, Texas, threw a lump of dried bison shit 125 feet, 1 inch on Saturday to claim the glory in the 38th annual World Championship Buffalo Chip Toss in Chadron, Nebraska, besting the runner up—47-year-old Tim Dillow of Effingham, Illinois—by nearly 10 feet in the process.
Yet as mighty as it was, Noe's fecal fling was still well short of the men's record of 186 feet, 7 inches set by Gary Lackey of Minnesota in 2000.
The all-time crap launching record of an astonishing 204 feet was set by Nebraska-native Kail Bowman in 1990 during the sadly now-discontinued team poop-heaving event.
The women's crown was claimed by Chadron's own Ashley Riesen, 23, who let fly a lump of shit 88 feet, 9 inches.
Seward, Nebraska's own Kieren Baker, 13, won the Boys 13-17 category by slinging his turd 118 feet, 2 inches; while his 15-year-old sister Delaney defended her 2013 Girls 13-17 crown with a crap toss of 83 feet, 5 inches.
Bailee Ritterbush, 9, won the Girl's 7-12 category with a poo chuck of 75 feet, 11 inches. Carter Bucheit of Hemingford, Neb. took the boy's title with a mighty dung hurl of 85 feet, 2 1/2 inches.
The Boys and Girls 6-and-Under title went to young Barron Roth, 6, of Milford, Neb., who propelled his lil' pinch o' dookie an even 29 feet.
Congratulations to all of this year's champions!