It looks like the two mysterious pudknockers caught on a YouTube video kicking a squirrel off the rim of the Grand Canyon in Arizona might have gotten away with it.
According to the Arizona Republic, Grand Canyon National Park Chief Ranger Bill Wright says that the case will remain open—but none of the tips they've received so far have panned out as they look for the suspect who allegedly kicked a squirrel over the edge of the canyon in a video that caused an international uproar when it was posted in late July.
In the video, a pair of French-speaking gentlemen—wearing only cowboy hats and shorts—appear to lure the squirrel to the canyon rim with food before one of them kicked the unfortunate creature over the edge, presumably to a shattering death on the rocks below.
It was a cruel, undignified fate that absolutely no living thing deserves: Getting kicked off a cliff and into eternity by a Frenchman.
YouTube has since removed the video because it violates the company's terms of service—I'm not linking to it, but with not much effort you can still find it on your own if you're really into that sort of thing— while People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has offered up a $15,000 reward for information leading to an arrest and conviction in the case.
That appears to be increasingly unlikely at this point.
Wright says that the investigation so far has turned up nothing, and according to the Associated Press, the Virginia man who shot the video—which by all accounts appears to be real—says he has no idea who the men in the video are either.
In the end, it's all been one big shame—not only for the ex-squirrel and the safety for all wildlife in general, but also for everybody who's had a vacation to a national park or some wilderness area ruined by inconsiderate assholes who obviously didn't really want to be there in the first place.
In fact, that may actually be the enduring mystery of this case—possibly even more than the actual identity of the alleged perpetrators or the final fate of the squirrel. Why did these guys decide to make the journey to a place like the Grand Canyon if they clearly didn't give a shit about any of the things that make the Grand Canyon special in the first place?
It's not like the Grand Canyon is conveniently located immediately next to an interstate, or is just a quick cab ride from the Phoenix or Las Vegas airport, or is something you can just sort of accidentally stumble upon while randomly walking your dog across the Colorado Plateau.
If you're at the Grand Canyon, it's because you put some time, effort and money into being at the Grand Canyon.
So why would you spend your time, energy and money to go visit a natural wonderland like the Grand Canyon if you don't like nature—especially since Las Vegas is just a short day's drive away? Hell, as long as you're spending enough money nobody really gives a shit what you kick in Las Vegas—in fact for the right price I'm sure you could get somebody to bring you all sorts of wildlife you can kick around right there in the comfort of your own air-conditioned hotel room.
It's the same principle that leads people to, say, complain about the lack of TV reception or cell service in the middle of a wilderness, or allow their shitty dogs to get off the leash to chase terrified wildlife through the woods, or blast crappy music (it's inevitably .38 Special, too. Every single time.) in a campground all night long.
Or more destructively it could be like the Boy Scout leaders in Utah who decided that a fragile monument to millions of years of erosion needed to be more "safe;" or a would-be politician who wanted to open up their state's irreplaceable natural treasures to mining and timber exploitation.
Why the hell were these people even in these places in the first place? What was the attraction? Was Disney World closed? Are there no squirrels to kick or rocks to shove or trees to cut down back where they came from?
In short, why go through all the effort of being in the wild (and ruin everything for everybody else) when it's so much easier and convenient to be a dick back home in civilization instead?
Now, I'm not sure what sort of punishment the legal system would actually dole out to a guy who kicks a squirrel into the Grand Canyon—probably not much more than a fine and a stern talking to in most cases.
But beyond simple justice for the murdered squirrel, a trial would have at least answered that one otherwise unanswerable question: Why didn't they just go to Las Vegas instead?
Image via YouTube