Satan Hailed With Grape Juice, Big Dildo in Oklahoma Black Mass

Jason M. Vaughn · 09/22/14 10:59AM

It was an epic battle between crucifixes and deified baked goods vs. grape juice and dildos in Oklahoma City on Sunday night—and while it's unclear which side won in the fight over the "black mass", we know for certain that (as always happens when alleged adults engage in such fights) dignity and enlightenment once again went down to a crushing defeat.

Arizona Man Killed in Horrifying Wood Chipper Accident

Jason M. Vaughn · 09/19/14 02:26PM

It's difficult to imagine a more brutal death than being sucked through an industrial wood chipper—in fact, it's probably best for your sanity and general disposition to not imagine such things at all.

More Problems Found at Leaky New Mexico Nuclear Waste Dump

Jason M. Vaughn · 09/19/14 12:40PM

The New Mexico dump which holds the nation's dirtiest laundry from nearly 70 years of nuclear weapons production was supposed to be a an accident-proof underground vault that would entomb radioactive waste in a 2,000-foot thick layer of salt for at least 10,000 years.

Fast, Intense Wildfire Leaves Northern California Town in Ruins

Jason M. Vaughn · 09/18/14 12:19PM

This has already been a bad year for wildfires along much of the drought-parched West Coast—but "bad" doesn't even begin to describe the catastrophe that struck the small northern California lumber town of Weed this week after a quarter of the town burned to the ground in the space of a few hours.

​"Black Mass" Sold Out as Satanic Fever Grips Oklahoma City

Jason M. Vaughn · 09/15/14 11:40AM

Wagons are being circled, tizzies are being thrown and children are being thought of in Oklahoma City, as the state's religious leaders are urging the faithful to pray like they've never prayed before in preparation for the most eagerly-anticipated religious event in the history of the city—one which the Catholic Diocese of Oklahoma claims could engulf the city with satanic evil via dry ice and a bucket of fake piss.

Montana Barley Crop Ruined, Beer About to Get More Expensive

Jason M. Vaughn · 09/10/14 02:30PM

Nobody is calling it "beerpocalypsemageddon" or anything idiotic like that quite yet, and I'm certainly not implying that it's time to panic and start hoarding cases of beer in a deep, razor-wire covered pit in the backyard*—but you should probably know that beer could get a lot more expensive next year.

Dramatic Photos Capture Yosemite National Park Wildfire

Jason M. Vaughn · 09/09/14 03:30PM

Authorities say that a wildfire in Yosemite National Park that prompted the helicopter evacuation of dozens of people from the top of Half Dome is finally slowing down thanks to some cooler, more humid weather.